Stress is connected to a specific event (a project, a test, a college essay, etc) and should go away after the event. Anxiety is chronic and doesn’t go away after an event is over. Stress can be pinpointed and anxiety is a more general worry and fear of the future. The CALM app can be helpful. Alcohol/marijuana are NOT helpful.

Anxiety/Depression are “cousins”, often related and connected. Things look different with different kids. Some kids don’t want to talk about their situation and others don’t stop talking. Eating disorders can occur.

Look for changes in behavior with the specific student. Don’t be afraid to bring it up to them. Consider therapy. Sometimes kids want to talk- just not to us. That’s ok!

Ketamine has not been an issue as a popular street drug in this area. Fentanyl is a concern in this area. It is inexpensive and very potent and other drugs can be “laced with it”. Fentanyl in vapes has not been an issue. Keep warning/reinforcing the issue with students. Kids are not educated about the reality of drugs and addiction, they lack understanding and are getting misinformation from friends and peers.

Remember the prefrontal cortex is not developed fully until well after the age of 18 so kids are impulsive – maintain structure, education and enforcement.

Bring it up! It takes a village. Be calm, genuine and non-confrontational. Do not approach it with a “gossipy” mentality, show your concern. Name the emotion first- “this is uncomfortable and I am nervous but I would want you to tell me…” Be prepared for defensiveness. Also, you can bring up smoking/vaping and changes in behavior (depression?) “This is a hard call to make but I would want you to tell me…) Sometimes the friends’ parents see things about our kids more clearly than we do.

Yes! You can be held liable. If you know that minors (or even adults) are drinking in your home then you are liable for what can happen when they leave. You can be sued for anything civilly. Your insurance might not cover you. Take precautions and do not provide or serve alcohol to underage kids. Kids alone in your home increases your liability. “Party waivers” do not prevent any sort of liability, in fact they may be an admission of having done wrong. Be clear about the rules in your home. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you can be subject to civil liability for events happening in your home.

Remember that SnapChat messages go away but the location history can still be there. Monitor your student for behavior changes and the “whys” behind any drug use. That is more within our control than Snapchat.

Get off our phones, watch for changes in behavior. (Smelling fruity equals vaping). Ask questions, remember that different kids will respond differently to questions- find the right time for them. (Probably not right after school). Maybe late at night? In the car? Listen to them. Ask if they want to vent or want help solving a problem. Sometimes they just need to get the emotions out and don’t want/need advice. Keep an eye on their social media- their friends’ social media. Who is posting what? Meet the parents of the friends. Walk them to the door. Make connections.

It’s a blend of education and enforcement with many aspects of parenting. We can’t just tell the kids once- must reinforce and balance things differently for different students and situations. Kids are watching their parents and we are constantly modeling behavior for them. Not just phones but alcohol usage, smoking in the garage, driving while impaired, etc .

Be clear about the rules for your kids and your house. Kids like rules and structure and clear expectations. Repeat them often. Give kids strategies for avoiding alcohol and vaping. You can purchase tests on Amazon and test the kids yourself. Test them when you know they are “clean”. That gives them a good excuse to abstain from drinking, smoking, etc. at parties or with friends.

Don’t be afraid to bring it up-it’s our job to do it. Normalize the conversations. Name the feeling when you start talking about it. “This is uncomfortable but…” or “I know this is embarrassing but….” Practice it- do it often even with “smaller topics” so it is normalized and feels easier. You can say “I heard about a kid who….” as a way to bring something up too.

There are a variety of crimes/problems for our kids 21 and under- Misdemeanors include Minor in Possession, drunk in public, Fake ID, furnishing alcohol to another under 21, vandalism (can also be a felony), DUI (and DUI can also be impaired from other substances, not just alcohol.) Note- possession of a Fake ID is a misdemeanor. Kids don’t understand that.

The kids need to understand that these crimes will “stick with them”, can hurt their chances of college, certain careers (med school/nursing school, etc.)

Turning 18- talk to your kids about how rules change at age 18. “Juvenile court vs. jail”. They should understand that difference even with consensual relationships between students over/under 18.

Understand the paperwork that can be helpful when kids are turning 18 so parents can be notified in case of emergency. This is one option but others are available too https://www.mamabearlegalforms.com/

Remind them every time- NO driving while impared and be prepared to pick them up if needed. (One nanogram of THC equals DUI). A DUI is inherently dangerous.

Most likely it is too much. Social media has addictive qualities, dopamine “hits” with likes, etc. Parents should check kids’ phones for time spent on social media and other apps. (It’s your right and responsibility to check). Some kids are on social media 9 hours a day. Know their passwords. Remember that Snap Chat messages go away. Kids should mostly use computers for school work- even if they tell you they need their phones.

We are role models for phone usage. Have times/zones that are cell phone- free zones. Examples- dinner table, restaurants, in the car (even as the passenger). IT’S OK TO HAVE NEW RULES!

Be present in your home and with your family. No phones before bedtime and in the bedrooms overnight. Use a charging station and parents do it too. Use alarm clocks- they do NOT need phones.

Send your kids loving texts too-it’s how they communicate.

Good idea for kids to have Uber on their phones but Uber can refuse to take kids under 18 so always be prepared to pick them up late at night too.